Codependent Life Coach
THE FIXER
You don’t just help - you rescue.
You find broken things and make them your purpose. People. Projects. Lovers. You step in before anyone asks, and you stay long after they’ve stopped wanting the help. You tell yourself it’s compassion - but deep down, you know it’s control wearing a halo.
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The Tools of Your Trade:
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You scan every room for a problem to solve, every relationship for someone to save. When people struggle, you rush in with advice, comfort, or solutions - because if they’re okay, maybe you can finally relax.
Helping is how you feel worthy. It’s how you stay needed. But it’s also how you avoid your own unmet needs - the ones that sit quietly beneath the surface, waiting for your attention.
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You don't fix to heal others - you fix others to avoid feeling helpless yourself.
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The Misaligned Mirror:
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“If I can make them better, I’ll finally feel enough.”
It whispers that your value lives in what you repair - not in who you are. You’ve confused usefulness with love, and achievement with belonging. You think your calm depends on everyone else being okay - but that’s not calm, it’s captivity.
The Blindspot:
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Every time you take responsibility for someone else’s healing, you abandon your own.
You end up over-functioning in relationships, carrying both your pain and theirs, mistaking exhaustion for purpose. When they inevitably don’t change - or worse, when they do and no longer need you - you feel replaced, discarded, unseen.
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You tell yourself you’re “just trying to help,” but underneath the kindness is a quiet desperation: If I stop fixing, who will I be?
You build your identity around being indispensable, but that identity is built on a wound - the fear that you’re not enough unless you’re saving something.
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Eventually, you burn out. Your compassion curdles into resentment. You start seeing people as projects instead of equals, and love becomes labor instead of connection.
And when the world doesn’t thank you the way you hoped, it feels like betrayal - when really, it’s your own boundaries calling you home.
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Fixing doesn’t heal connection - it replaces it.
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You don't need to save anyone to be safe.
Self Repair:
Next time you feel the urge to fix someone’s problem, pause and ask: “Is this mine to carry?”
If it’s not, put it down. If it is, face it - but for you.
Your worth isn’t in how many people you rescue, but in how deeply you let yourself rest when no one needs rescuing.
Love doesn’t need your solutions. It just needs your presence.
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Love doesn't need your solutions. It just needs your presence.
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Next Level Help:
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Helping isn’t wrong - it’s sacred when it’s balanced. But when it becomes your identity, it robs both you and others of freedom.
Learning to love without saving is how you finally save yourself.
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